''A WOMAN ANNOUNCES HER FRIEND THAT SHE IS GETTING MARRIED FOURTH TIME. 'HOW WONDERFUL! BUT I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FIRST HUSBAND?
' HE ATE POISONOUS MUSHROOMS AND DIED'
OH NO' HOW TRAGIC! WHAT ABOUT YOUR SECOND HUSBAND?
HE ATE POISONOUS MUSHROOMS TOO AND DIED.
OH HOW TERRIBLE! I'M ALWAYS AFRAID TO ASK YOU ABOUT YOUR THIRD HUSBAND .
HE DIED OF A BROKEN NECK '
A BROKEN NECK'
BECAUSE HE WOULD NOT EAT MUSHROOMS.
ONCE AN ITALIAN FELLOW IS BRAGGING TO HIS FRIEND ABOUT HIS SONS.
' I AM SO PROUD OF MY OLDEST SON, HE MAKES FIVE THOUSAND DOLLAR A YEAR! HE IS A ENGINEER. I AM EVEN MORE PROUD OF MY SECOND SON , HE MAKES FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLAR A YEAR ,HE IS A DOCTOR .BUT I FEEL THE PROUDEST OF MY YOUNGEST SON, HE MAKES THE FIVE MILLION DOLLAR A YEAR, HE'S A SPORTS MECHANIC , THE ITALIAN SAYS HE CAN FIX EVERYTHING, HE FIXES THE HORSE RACES,HE FIXES THE BOXING MATCHES.
A REPORTER ASKED A BANK PRESIDENT, 'SIR, WHAT IS THE SECRET OF YOUR SUCCESS?
TWO WORDS
AND WHAT ARE THEY,
RIGHT DECISIONS,
AND HOW DO YOU MAKE RIGHT DECISIONS?
ONE WORD
WHAT IS THAT
EXPERIENCE
AND HOW DO YOU GET EXPERIENCE
TWO WORDS
AND WHAT ARE THEY
WRONG DECISIONS.
ONE DAY THE OWNER OF A LARGE FACTORY DECIDED TO MAKE A SURPRISE VISIT AND CHECK UP ON HIS STAFF , WALKING THROUGH THE PLANT ,HE NOTICED A YOUNG MAN LEAN ING AGAINST A POST .THE OWNER ASKED ANGRILY AT ONCE ,THE YOUNG MAN REPLIED ,'ONE THOUSAND BUCKS'. THE OWNER TOOK OUT RS 1000 AND SLAPPED THE MONEY IN TO THE BOY'S HANDS AND SAID ,''HERE IS THE WEEK'S PAY- NOW GET OUT AND DON'T COME BACK.'' TURNING TO ONE OF THE SUPERVISORS ,HE SAID ,''HOW LONG THAT LAZY BUM BEEN WORKING HERE ANYWAY?'' THE SUPERVISOR SAID ,''HE DOES'NT WORK HERE, HE WAS HERE JUST TO DELIVER PIZZA.''
ONCE THE MORON WENT TO AN EYE SPECIALIST TO GET HIS EYES TESTED AND ASKED ,'DOCTOR ,I WILL BE ABLE TO READ AFTER WEARING GLASSES? THE DOCTOR SAD ,'YES OF COURSE, WHY NOT !' THE MORON SAID WITH JOY , ''OH HOW NICE IT WOULD BE,I HAVE BEEN ILLITERATE FOR SO LONG.''
THE YOUNG WOMAN ASKED HER LOVER, A MORON, ''DARLING,IF WE GET ENGAGED, WILL YOU GIVE ME A RING?'' THE MORON REPLIED, ''SURE, WHAT'S YOUR PHONE NUMBER?''.
MORON; I WOULD LIKE SOME VITAMINS FOR MY GRANDSON.
SALES CLERK; SIR , VITAMIN A, B AND C
MORON: ANY WILL DO ,MY GRANDSON MY GRANDSON DOESN'T KNOW THE ALPHABET YET.
ONCE THE MORON WAS IN MUMBAI . HE WAS WALKING ON A STREET ,WHICH HAD A CLOCK TOWER WHEN SOMEONE ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED TO BUY THE CLOCK ON THE TOWER. HE SAID ,'YES'
'GIVE ME THOUSAND RUPEES AND I WILL GO GET A LADDER.' THE MAN TOOK THE RUPEES AND DISAPPEARED. HAVING WAITED FOR SEVERAL HOURS THE MORON FIGURED HE WAS TAKEN. ON THE NEXT DAY ,THE MORON WAS WALKING ALONG THE SAME ROAD AND THE SAME MAN ASKED HIM TO BUY THE CLOCK. 'GIVE ME THOUSAND RUPEES AND I WILL GO GET A LADDER,'' THE MORON GAVE HIM THE THOUSAND AND SAID,''I AM NOT A FOOL.THIS TIME YOU WAIT , I WILL GO GET A LADDER.''